Poor Kissing and Swine Flu – Dating Movie

No, I am not thinking if you’re able to distribute swine flu by kissing. Everybody knows you obtain swine flu from having sexual intercourse with bacon. What I’m curious about is whether poor kissing, like swine flu in ’09, is now an epidemic.

Like the Loch Ness Monster, or Bigfoot, untamed hearsay of terrible kisser sightings had floated around for decades. But we not really thought all of them. What i’m saying is, how will you shag upwards kissing?! Until a few months back, my personal response ended up being, you simply can’t. Isn’t kissing always at least somewhere throughout the pleasurable scale? In a worst case scenario it might be a 1, but it is nevertheless in positive region (let’s see…i possibly could be creating using this girl or watching reruns of the Jersey Shore and I’d end up being similarly happy…and yes, seeing reruns of Jersey Shore matters as good region for me…clearly i’ve low expectations for what constitutes a positive knowledge). But dipping into unfavorable region? Difficult! Approximately I Was Thinking…

Molly and I had been on an additional date, therefore was indeed a lot of enjoyment. Food, various drinks (ok, more than a few), following we wandered the woman returning to the woman apartment. In front door I moved in for a goodnight kiss, and the thing I had gotten in return was…well…imagine when someone set a cold infant carrot inside throat immediately after which simply let it remain indeed there. Which was her language. I am talking about, just this swelling in my own throat, that I am wanting to poke at a bit using my very own tongue to see if its actually lively, and receiving absolutely no reaction. It absolutely was therefore lifeless that I actually pulled back to find out if she had passed out mid-kiss. Perhaps not joking. Regrettably maybe not. Yikes. Shortest makeout ever before.

All Right. Okay. One poor kisser in forever? I will accept that. Until…

…this time it absolutely was a first go out. Really it was not truly a romantic date. Jess and I were setup by a mutual pal, and our very own real very first big date was not allowed to be for another few times. But on Saturday night i obtained a text from her claiming “Hey! I’m call at your neighborhood with pals. Arrive satisfy all of us for a drink!” Therefore I did. Blah blah blah, I ended up falling the lady off at her destination, and next thing you are aware we are creating . Or I guess that’s what it was supposed to be. Just what it was was positively terrifying. The very best way I’d explain it might be if her language and my personal mouth happened to be a mortar and pestle, and she ended up being trying to work whole grain in the rear of my neck. Which alone was actually distressful sufficient to make me not require to hug for some time, extended time…and then…well…ummm…she started to use my top front teeth as a tongue scraper. Honestly. The woman is getting her tongue during my throat, lodging it against my personal leading teeth, immediately after which scraping it she pulls it out of my lips. And recurring. What…the…fuck?! This lady has teeth correct? So she knows 1) they can not feel anything and 2) which is friggin gross? I happened to be really hoping that I was being Punk’d. But no such fortune. And we also have another champion for shortest makeout ever.

Seriously, with two bad kissers in a row I am honestly concerned about this getting an epidemic. I’m not sure everything you do to prevent a negative kisser crisis, but whatever truly, can we kindly access it this ASAP? As if We have yet another bad makeout, kissing could join untamed Turkey and oysters on the list of things You will find quit after terrible experiences. And while i could survive without crazy chicken and oysters, life without kissing isn’t any life at all. HELP!!!!